Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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