I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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