we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
