If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
