are you still at the devil's house?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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