i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
