Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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