Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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