Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
