I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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