I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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