So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
