There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
