Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
