I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
