it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
