he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
