I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
