I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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