we have officially lost it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
