hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
