Buhtt sex?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
