what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
