Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
