you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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