You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
