You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
