i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
