Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
