My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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