What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
