Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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