He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
