I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
