so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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