Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
