I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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