Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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