we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
