Just fell off a train. Bad.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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