just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
