I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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