im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
