I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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