Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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