All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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