i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
