I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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