so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
