Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I bet he comes in French.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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