it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
