Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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